Day 8: the last 8 days have been a blur...chesty, coughing, aches and bloody pains, sneezing, wheezing, feeling nauseous.
Today was the absolute worst with Qld Health ringing us this morning to confirm that SW1 is actually staying home from work. ‘BE A RESPONSIBLE CITIZEN’ she said.
Trying to convince the likes of a workaholic.........as SW1 is, who hates to be out of his routine, especially when they are so busy at work......arrrgghhhh.............SW1, you have to come home darling......they are releasing some prescriptions for ‘Tamiflu’ for the whole family. ‘We’re flat out here, darl.....sorry’. No sooner getting off the phone I hear the keys in the door. ‘Daddy’s Hoomme’.
We need supplies if we’re going to be quarantined like this for .....wait for it.............



7 dayyyysss
All of us here in this house, youngest daughter, who, as for all of us and for identity purposes shall remain anonymous, I’ll call her W6, eldest daughter W12, SW1....hubby, and me.........motherswine. Oh JOY...
What does a family of 2 girls, and mum and dad do stuck in a house for 7 days straight without so much as a trip to the letterbox or clothesline....
Ok we have:
ü FOXTEL (ON 2 FLATSCREENS IN DIFFERENT ROOMS)
ü WII WITH WII FIT
ü DVD’S
ü FRIDGE/FREEZER FULL OF GOOD FOOD
ü BOARD GAMES
ü INTERNET ACCESS TO ALL SORTS OF SHIT LIKE ONLINE GAMES, NEWSPAPERS, EMAILS, GOOGLING SWINE FLU ETC
ü TRAMPOLINE (WHO WANTS TO GET ON A FRIGGIN TRAMPOLINE WHEN YOUR FEELING LIKE SHIT....I ASK YOU)
ü 2 X 5 WEEK OLD KITTENS TO PLAY WITH ( YEAH LIKE THAT LASTS ABOUT 5 MINS)

Ok we’re good to go...................................................hmmmmm

I wonder how long these toy’s shall last. God I feel sick. W6 who was the one that contracted this crackling piggy disease in the first place, (god bless her little cotton socks) is way on the mend. We, meaning the rest of us, has all had to swallow the ‘Tamiflu’.
W12 is well on the way to full blown symptoms and has the shivers, nauseous, runny nose.......she was practically fine this morning.............thats how quick it takes a hold. At this point I shall interrupt my blogging with a word from our sponsors.......

1. After the first symptoms have occurred then you become ham-fisted and develop an irrational fear of sausages. Later you develop a penchant for skipping and pig-tails.









Now back to the programme after a 3 hour sick stop. Lots of lovely vomiting, moaning and laying down only to get up after a few seconds because its not comfortable. Absolutely no interest in the incredibly action packed dvd movie that SW1 bought in....’Transporter’......................................I wish someone would transport me to a different bloody body.
You know what really pisses me off the most............................................no .........................do you really want to hear
SW1 is absolutely 100% bonafide fit as a fu#!*ing Malley Bull.....
This is a person who is a chronic asthmatic, smokes like a chimney, drinks piss as if its the last drink on this earth, lives on a diet of copious amounts of animal fats, red meats all swilled down with that wonderful amber fluid. Does he have any symptoms................ZERO...........ZILCH............NNADA.........NUTTIN...................................................................................

BASTARD YE’
THAT MEANS “ THE BLOODY BASTARD” BASICALLY TRANSLATED FROM GLASWEGIAN
Yes both SW1 and I (motherswine) have had great discussions over this today. We actually put it down to the fact that his bodies immune system is so well geared to arming itself against anything that even invades his body. He has created a monster by armouring up with the likes of several years of drinking and eating completely the wrong foods, and smoking wayyyyyyy too much.
So in actual fact, when this little so called micro-organismy thingy called H1N1 decided to jump into SW1’s bod, it was met by a whole army of little immune soldiers were ready and waiting. In fact................they laughed their little micro-organismic heads off.
This is how it went:
What...........swine flu did you say?..........you’ve got to be joking.............Listen mate........we’ve been here a lot longer than you buddy, so don’t think your gunna take a hold here. We’ve fought of f years of piss drinking, on a diet that can only be described as prehistoric, and toxins that would blow your little H1N1 mind baby.............so sling ye ook buddy....

And so....................on it went.
Day 9 which is actually day 2 of Quarantine because if you count back to when W6 was first diagnosed its actually 9 days.... but really.............it feels like a lifetime.
W12 is bad today. High fevers, delirium, earache and chronically sore throat. The ‘Tamiflu’ which we have to each take 2 a day of, is revolting. No sooner have you taken it and you feel like throwing up, its best to have something in your stomach before you take it. So I’ve taken to having it with a dry Salada with the new (what I have proudly named) Cheesymite on it....NOT THE MOST APPETISING THING GOING but it beats throwing up in the bath.
SW1 has a slight symptom of dizziness today. Oh good...........he’s not Mr Invincible after all..........
We decided at around 10.30am to get up and tidy up a bit. But its like, do a bit then sit down for 10 mins cause your out of breath. At this rate we’ll be here till midnight just doing a basic tidy up. Cups of tea help. I’m not one for sugar in my tea but since having this, I take 1 sugar now. It seems to help.
I am a bit down today. What would cheer me up is if something exciting would happen like say........................mormons or some little packie salesperson for Telstra knock on the door, and I can press my nose up to our closed front window and yell out
“We’re all infected with Swine flu and in Quarantine, So piss off......”
Well maybe not that nasty but just to be able to legitimately tell someone to piss off would be a good feeling. It would give us a lift for .........................................oh.........................lets say..................................at least half an hour.
We have a myriadical selection of movies today.
1. GOAL ∏ (Pommie soccer sequel to goal 1 obviously......glorified footballers wives except more about the footballers)
2. OUTLAW (another pommie movie.........about citizen revenge against thugs, thieves and murderers)
3. Taped episode of last nights yankee version “So you think you cant dance” ............hmmmm
4. Boozed up Brits abroad..............(doco of pommie pissheads going on their stag nights in faraway foreign countries ....with lots of tit shots thrown in for more savoury viewing)
5. The complete series taped on foxtel IQ of “Masterchef”...............Yeah baby (now that gets my juices flowing)

Instead we opted for the tidy up option and then have a go at the races in the afternoon. W12 finally woke from her temp induced slumber at around 2.40 and W6 was busy watching Mamma Mia and Highschool musical in W12’s room where the other plasma is. She was perfecting all the dance moves and you know just generally mouthing out the whole movie .........as she does. She knows every word of every movie you know. You should see her Amy Winehouse impression.........its un-beeee-leaavvable.
Anyhow onto the races. SW1 got W12’s laptop out and got his online betting account up. He checked and he had over $25 in from the last time he bet. He had a few unsuccessful bets .........as he does and then I spot this horse called ‘Tipsy Piggy’ (see pic at top of blog) in the 8th Race at Eagle Farm . No 5 ..........thats the one, ‘the tippster the piggster’ ...........its all swine flu related don’t you know.
BLOODY BASTAR OF A HORSE CAME STONE MOTHERLESS LAST....................TIPSY BLOODY PIGGY WAS NOT JUST BLOODY TIPSY IT WAS DOWNRIGHT PISSED.....
This housebound stuff is turning into a right nightmare. I concede that we are all pretty much on the mend and the worst is over for us, but god, what I wouldn’t give to be able to go up to our local shopping centre. Even if it is Feral..........arm.....................naaaaaaggghhh.........maybe I’ll take that back. Caloundra perhaps...........a drive to Caloundra to our favourite fish and chip shop. With that beautifully fresh sweet fish and the crispy crunchy golden batter. That would do the trick. Then a walk along the beach with the W12 and W6 and hold hands with SW1. That would be nice wouldn’t it.....
Think................daydream bubble...........

Oh joy............SW1 is back playing his beloved ‘Celtic’ on the Wii...................HOW UNUSUAL..............NOT.......................
I am just the floating MOTHERSWINE.........AND I is sure that we are all going to suffer from something far worse than the fate of this so called pig flu..............
Its called ‘
CABIN FEVER......
But listen folks............quite frankly its been quite ok for the first few days at least. W6 & W12 have not locked horns once. Nor have they spat at each other, or pulled each others hair, or scratched and punched. IT’S ALL GOOD..........
And much to SW1’s delight , I haven’t yelled at them either, which of course maybe down to the fact that I had lost my voice for the first two days of piggus flu-ess.
SW1 has just come to me as it is now 5.27pm Sat 18th July and as we are both feeling a bit on the mend (as i had mentioned earlier) we have decided to do a bit of kitchen bonding, well not actually bonding with the kitchen...........more bonding with each other in the kitchen. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
He has done his Saturday Roast fresh silverside, i do the veges, he does the crunchy potatoes and the gravy ...........you know its romantic...........in an cramped kind of get outta the way type of thing in our 2x1 little gourmet (we have a stainless steel kettle and toaster........) kitchen.
ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR WHAT WE CAN DO TOMMORROW